Abuser FAQ's


This section contains FAQ's (frequently asked questions) for abusers, mostly child sexual abusers, but many of the questions here will apply to other abusers as well. There are only a few questions at the moment, with more coming. If you have a question you think should be here, submit it here and I'll do my best to add it to this site with an answer.

Click on the questions to show/hide answers.

I get urges or desires I know are wrong. How can I stop these?

The truth is, you probably can't stop them on your own. You need professional help. Therapy and/or medication is usually needed to control those thoughts or urges.

I haven't done anything wrong yet. Will I be arrested if I tell someone what's going through my mind?

If you haven't committed any crime yet, no, there should be nothing to arrest and charge you with. Because of the variety of laws and cultures around the world, there may be countries or areas where just the thoughts alone are enough to be guilty of, but in most of the world, thoughts alone don't get you in trouble. Not getting control and acting on those thoughts is what causes trouble.

Won't my family and friends abandon me if I admit to thinking or doing something?

That depends on your family/friends and what you have done. Anyone who loves you will usually be there for you if you admit to a problem. They will usually even want to help. If you have actually hurt someone, it will be normal for others to keep that person away from you, but that can change after you are getting help.

I (adult or older person) had sex with a child and she/he enjoyed it. Isn't that ok?

No, that is not ok. A child isn't old enough to make decisions like that, and they very likely did not enjoy it even if they said they did. They may not fight, and may even say they enjoyed it, because they are afraid of you, afraid of what will happen, or even because they love you and don't want to hurt your feelings.

The victim was aroused or showed signs of pleasure. Doesn't that mean they enjoyed it?

No, it's perfectly natural for the body to be aroused, especially sexually, when exposed to certain conditions, but it does not mean they are enjoying it. Sometimes our sex drive appears to be controlled by something other than our brain. That's one reason sexual abusers usually can't stop abusing on their own, even if they want to. They need to control their sex drives, and that usually takes medication to do, or surgery.

I will be adding more here soon and will eventually be categorizing everything. If you have a question you think should be here, submit it here and I'll do my best to add it to this site with an answer.

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